Hello World...

My name is Tupou'leota and I'm here to share my everyday stories :)  I was actually suppose to start months ago but eh, at least I've started right? lol The whole motivation for me to get into blogging and documenting my life & thoughts are my beautiful younger sisters, Pumpkin and Nikki <3. Pumpkin (Prescilla) has been documenting her journey into new mommy/wifey-hood and Nikki has been documenting events in her life just as she was entering "adulthood". The inspiration for my blog came after I found them...and our mother. 

I was born at Stanford Medical Hospital in Palo Alto, California on August 3, 1985.   Mom was only 21 and dad was 23.  They weren't married and my father was in his "prime". Life for him was parties, women and a little bit of rock & roll. Luckily for the both of us, he had two very loving parents who eventually became my 'parents'. Mom was young and had plenty of potential that she wouldn't be able to pursue in California with me, and especially my father, so she left me in the care of my Mommy and Pami.  

For most of my childhood I grew up with these two as my 'parents'. I knew no other mother than my grandmother.  She is the steady pulse of my heart <3 and the gold in my soul. Although my dad was around here and there, Pami was my first father figure and will always be my #1 Dad in the world. Don't get me wrong tho, my dad is forever my dad and he'll always have my love. He's a really great guy.  He just had a few demons he had to battle before finally getting the whole 'dad' thing down.

 Love you pops!

Dad was there but he wasn't really there until Mommy passed away in 1996. . Her death was the mark of the beginning of my crazy, scary, fu%#ed up roller coaster of my life and I was only 11 years old. Sure a lot of people can say they've suffered worst but OMG was I never ever prepared for this shit! lol I grew up blaming my dad for my birth mother's exit since Mommy told me he was a player. That made me grow up to despise unfaithful people.  I can't stand a cheater. They're liers, deceivers, users and abusers. Mommy always told me stories of my mom. She never spoke badly of her. No one in my family did. Well, the only thing they ever made remarks were about her nationality, Samoan.  My father is Tongan and his 'brothers' & 'sisters' would forever tease me about being part Samoan. They mainly got on me for "looking" Samoan and for having a "fat Samoan nose". Let me tell you, my aunts & uncles are BLUNT as heo and don't reserve anything for anybody so it didn't matter if I was a child. Shoot, being a kid might've just made it funner for them. Jerks. lol But I love them. I do. They have part in making me strong. 


I didn't grow up hating my birth mother..not until I hit high school anyways. Up until my 15th birthday, I would blow out my birthday candles wishing the same wish...for my mom to come back to me. I was mad that she didn't come to Mommy's funeral but I started hating her once life got even harder. I had always imagined her as an angel, as my hero. So I was waiting for her to hurry up and be my hero and save me.  With each year that passed, I hated her more and didn't care if I would ever meet her. But I knew she had children and meeting them was a dream that didn't die. 

Super long story shortened, when curiosity gets the best of me, I Google my mother's name. There were never any matches. I used to search her on those people finder sites. Nothing. I even looked for her in old yearbooks at the high school I thought she had attended. Nothing there. It was pretty much a lost cause search until one day I was having ADD at work and Googled her name just for the heck of it and VOILA! There was her name in a blog. I knew it was her since it literally had her full government name listed -lol The blog I came across was Nikki's. Not only did I get a lead on my mother but I also found info on my siblings! Double score!! After months of being Facebook friends with Nikki (& having stalked her on her blog lol) I finally messaged Nikki telling her who I was after she had invited me to our sister Brittny's wedding. We messaged each other a few times and eventually setup a date to meet since I was flying out to SLC, Utah for my cousin Tapa's wedding. 

 

I flew out to Utah just for the weekend of the wedding in June.  Pumpkin & Nikki swooped me up from the reception towards the end of the night and took me out for ice cream :) Mmhhmm..they MUST be my sisters lol The whole time I was soooo nervous! I could barely speak and what words I was able to push out made no sense. Sorry girls, don't judge me on that! lol We chatted about ourselves and mostly about our mother. To make things even more crazy, it was mom's 48th birthday. I had flew out to Utah with intentions of only meeting my siblings but Nikki some how talked me into (lol) going back to their house and meeting mom. My wonderful boyfriend's advice of being open-minded also helped me be more accepting of the idea to meet her. 

So yup, after 25 years I was finally reunited with my mother.  I also got to meet the rest of my siblings.  My visit with them was very short but I will forever be grateful to our Heavenly Father for each second I spent with them. Plus, I plan on spending a lot more time with them. Especially mother dearest; she has plenty of explaining to do. Sorry mom. I know it's not easy to talk about but you owe me answers and I know I won't be content until I know those answers. But now I know for myself where I get my petite frame from. Where I get my girlishness, sparse eyebrows, "Simba" nose, independence and drive from. I get it from my mama :) 

To this day I still k.i.t. with Nichole :) I love her deeply and will always be indebted to her for helping me find the missing part of me.  If it wasn't for her blog, I believe I would still be searching for who knows how long. Although I've missed almost 26 years of memories and time with my mother and siblings, God has blessed me with the opportunity to start a life with them in it. 

Better late than never ;) 

Btw, I no longer have hurt feelings towards my mother. I look forward to building a relationship with her.

 I love her with all my heart <3 

So here I am. Ready to share my stories with my long 'lost' family and whoever's willing to read.

 

#dueces